Granny’s Ghoulish Gutter Candy Mash – its Cooking with Hank

RICHLAND CENTER, WIS (WRCO) – Time to get your Halloween food on with Hank!

Granny’s Ghoulish Gutter-Candy Mash

(So sweet, it’ll make a ghost snort real moonshine and then immediately regret it.)

Ingredients:

• 3 cups leftover Halloween candy — Not the good stuff. We’re talkin’ the reject-pile, the dental-work-destroyer, the stuff the neighborhood kids swore was “ew, gross!” (It’s fine. It’s just adding character.)
• 2 sticks of butter — Or enough to make your pan slicker than a politician caught in a lie. We ain’t countin’ calories; we’re countin’ flavor.
• 1 bag of mini marshmallows — They’re like tiny, sugary ghosts that shriek and vanish the minute they hit the hot butter. Don’t worry, the flavor’s still there—it’s just spectral now.
• 1 box of cereal — Rice Krispies, Corn Flakes, or that generic brand that’s been hidin’ behind the jar of pickled pig’s feet since the last ice age. Any crunchy vehicle for the sugar will do.
• Optional: Nuts, pretzels, or whatever crunchy thing survived the raccoon and/or squirrel raid.

Instructions:

1. Melt the butter in a big ol’ pot. If it starts smokin’, that just means you’ve successfully added the highly coveted Flavor of Panic and High Drama.
2. Toss in the marshmallows. Stir it like you’re fending off a biblical plague of locusts, or maybe just a particularly aggressive telemarketer. Keep goin’ until it’s a terrifying, sticky white swamp.
3. Dump in the cereal and that ghastly pile of candy. Stir harder… like you’re trying to make a tornado look lazy. You want every piece of stale caramel and questionable fruit chew covered in the radioactive-looking mash.
4. Smash it into a pan. Use a spoon, a spatula, or your bare hands if you’ve got the calluses of a hardened criminal. Bonus points if you fling a stray chunk and accidentally glue a family photo to the fridge.
5. Let it cool. Or don’t. Real mountain folk eat this stuff warm while telling ghost stories on the porch. The melted chocolate running down your chin is a sign of authenticity.
6. Slice and serve. But issue a serious warning first: “Eat at yer own risk—this candy’s got more sugar than a hound dog’s got fleas and an attitude to match. You might start seeing colors you ain’t got names for.”

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